all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize