i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
