Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
