You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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