i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Soap is not a condiment
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
