just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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