My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
