Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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