Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
