he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
