I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
