I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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