Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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