If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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