Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
