It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
