"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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