I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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