he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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