i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
