Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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