There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
