he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
