just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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