Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
