I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I skipped work to stalk him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
