Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
