I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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