Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
