my phone needs a breathalizer
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
