remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
