is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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