Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
