i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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