I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
