Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
