note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
