Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
