Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
