I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
