New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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