There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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