thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
