Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
