I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
pop tarts are not kleenex
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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