the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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