Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
