I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
