they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
