I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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