I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
