Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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