The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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