Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
