You work out of a Hotel?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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