My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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