The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
