Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
