Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My life is pants optional.
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