Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
