the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
