her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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