all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
