those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
