I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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