He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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