You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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