This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize