Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
