did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize