Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
