I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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