I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
