Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
