Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
