Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
