I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
