I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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